FVN Chapter 133 Two Conversations One Dylan
Chapter 133 Two Conversations One Dylan
"Wait, a second. Did you say your masturbator said the other rituals in a book didn't work? Why would I want to know if someone masturbates you or not? Just use their name like a normal person," she said.
"That is his name. Master Bader," I said.
"I must be hearing you incorrectly. All I'm hearing is you saying the word masturbator," she said.
"No. It's Master, then Bader," I said.
"Now you're just saying masturbator, but slower and in two parts," she said.
"No. His full name is Alfred Bader, but as he is one of my cultivation teachers, he is my master. So he is my Master Bader," I said.
"Oooh! I get it now. He just has a weird ass name," she said.
"Exactly!" I said.
"So he got some random book somewhere that supposedly had sure fire rituals to summon the goddess of vampires and he tried everyone except for the one that requires you to have an orgy. I didn't know what the ritual was when I showed up by the way. Nor did I show up willingly. It just kind of happened and I rolled with it," she said.
"When you put it like that, the book sounds like a scam," I said.
"It probably was meant to be. Someone just wrote a bunch of rituals they thought sounded like something I'd get summoned by and they just so happened to be right once," she said.
"Yeah, that's pretty dumb. I feel like a fool for even trying it," I said.
"But it worked! And now I'm here! I don't know how long, but I'm here. And I get to see my baby boy all grown up!" She said, pinching my cheeking.
"How great for you," I said, barely tolerating the cheek pinch.
"Oh, cheer up grumpy pants. You have to be at least a little happy you get to see me," she said.
"I am happy to see you. I've missed you so much these past, what, 9 or so years? I just have so many questions and I don't know what to say," I said.
"Ok, then. How about I ask you another question, while you think of yours," she said. "What's the real reason you summoned me?"
"Well, since I didn't know whether you were my mom or not, I summoned you because Master Bader thought I needed a new cultivation teacher and he thought you were the best candidate, so he'd taught me nearly everything he knows," I said.
"Cultivation teacher huh? Well I don't know how long I'll be able to stay, but I can try," she said.
"Ok, first question, why do you keep saying you can't stay? And also how did you die if you're an immortal goddess? And why did you leave me alone for all these years if you were just in the realm of the gods or whatever?" I said, tears welling up in my eyes.
"It is. Why do you think I chose to become a mortal? Those were the best years of my existence. People are so much more alive, more real than other gods. Most gods stay the same people from the moment they come into existence into eternity. Most of them can't change who they are because they uphold a personality trait or an emotion or a specific action, like lying," she said.
"Where as humans change all the time! Some of them stay mostly the same, but most of them don't. Most humans continue to grow and change throughout their entire lives until they die! You have no idea how boring it gets to talk to people when nothing ever changes."
"That does sound pretty shitty," I said. "Well, I need to have a conversation with my system right now, because it lied to me and I need to know why."
[I told you not to do that!]
'How was I supposed to know what you were talking about?'
[You knew what I was talking about! I can read your mind, remember?]
'Oh yeah. Whoops.'
[It is true. I am not from Shikasa. Shikasa's Blessings don't come from her. They come from me. You have to garner my favor to unlock them]
'Wait a second. @$$? Is that you?'
[Yes, Dylan. I am the @$$ to which you refer. I would appreciate it if you didn't call me that though. Just because they're symbols, doesn't mean I don't know what word it spells in your mind. "Ass". I would rather not be mentally associated with people's rear ends]
'What am I supposed to call you then?'
[I don't know! Think of something]
'I could call you Asterisk, because there are asterisks in your name.'
[That name still has the word ass in it. I'm not as stupid as you think I am]
'Oh. I guess it does have that word in it. I didn't realize that. I'm not as smart as you think I am! And I do realize now that's not a very good comeback!'
[Call me Pound for the # sign. Because I will pound your ass into the dirt if you call me @$$ one more time]
'That phrase doesn't have the connotations you think it does. But I get it. I'm sorry for calling you @$$. And no that was not me calling you @$$ just now. That was me referring to how I used to call you. So don't pound my ass! I just have a hard time taking things seriously. Serious leads to emotions and emotions lead to pain. So I make fun of everything.'
[I know. Thank you for the apology. I understand. I normally wouldn't be so aggressive about it, but it was getting really difficult to continue being insulted to my face, while hiding my identity]
'I understand too. I wouldn't like that either... I guess we need to have a conversation. Don't we?'
[Yes. Yes we do]